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Heartbreak and Healing Forgiveness and Flying

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

I have been in a whirlwind. In so many ways…for so many days. I have started school. So far, 2 A’s one in each class. *pat on the back* It isn’t difficult…just time consuming. Which I suppose is a plus since I am healing a broken heart.  Things went so wrong between Lindsay and I… Drastically wrong. It was in a moment horrifying, damaging and sobering. I realized how far I let myself fall. I had stopped  focusing on me and started focusing on “us”. Perhaps that’s why this happened. I needed it to. I am was losing drive on the dream that I was embarking on. It’s all well and good to say all this….. but it doesn’t make it feel any better. It’s still hurts like hell and I miss her dearly. We still have some contact although it is minimal. And even though she did what she did, I still feel like I lost my best friend. I adore her, why, no idea. I love her deeply, why? No idea. I can’t explain it. There is a strange peace that comes with being able to forgive someone like I am having to forgive her over and over. Some would call me stupid, and from afar I can’t say that I wouldn’t say the same thing of myself. But there is a lightness that emerges when you can truly say about someone that “I don’t care what you do or how you act. I know and love you like no one else in this world. And you know and love me the same. I will fulfill my committment to love you unconditionally because I know no other way than this.” Nothing even maters when you love like this. Truly. She could marry another, as long as she is happy, I will be at peace. And this is the truth.  She has seen me like no other, and she will always be the jewel of my heart. I am not saying that I am super human or that none of these thoughts will not cause pain, it’s just that I understand what true love is now. I get what it means to hold no record of wrongs. She told me once that “loving a person like her unconditionally is a very hard thing to do.” And I agree. But I also know that I was always up for the challenge and it’s too late. I. Can’t. Back.Down. So even if wanted a choice in this, I’m not sure I have one. I am pretty sure she was placed here to teach me a great many things about love, forgiveness, being right vs. being happy, faith, hope and God. This is the quickest I have ever been able to say that I know that God’s will, will be done so, I’m placing down my pain and moving on.  I am not willing to lose her in my life. It’s just the way it is. She is my baby, now and forever. So spread your wings my love. I hope you find peace in all that you seek. I thank you because you taught me what it means to give and to love. I will always be here for you no  matter what.

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